What Is Church?

A Rant

I know this blog is mainly for family photos and what the kids are up to, but today I'm using it for therapy. I'v e had one of those tossing and turning kind of nights and the question that keeps going through my mind is "What is church?" I mean what would Jesus if He were here really want it to be? I didn't even know about salvation until I was 21 and it was my greatest discovery and I've spent the last 13 years of my life trying to learn all I could about God, Jesus and the Bible, and everything I learned would always bless me and thrill me. For the most part I've learned there is a God and he created me and he loves me very much and all of creation he created for me to enjoy! He sent his son to die for me so that we could talk and eventually spend eternity together, he gave me his holy spirit to allow me to discern things and to give me power to do HIs will! But the church itself has always been quite a dilemma for me. I only went to church a few times as a child and all I remember is sipping orange kool-aid and eating cookies, it was a Church of God church which I still don't know what that entails. The first church I went to as an adult was a Baptist, there I was "saved" the first Sunday I went and they were sweet, wonderful people who loved on me and Stephanie, she was 2 when I started going. I'll never forget one lady took me shopping and bought Stephanie a coat and then told me to pick out some dresses, this was a great example of church for me, though I hear so many people bashing baptists all I've ever known are really good people. They of course had there little hangups as far as a woman's place in the church and no dancing but they had a heart to spread the good news and that's a definite plus. Then I met Mike and he said he was Episcopalian and I'd never heard of it, when I asked him what it was he said it was Catholic light, well I did'nt know much about the Catholics to know what a lighter version would be. We tried to find a middle ground and a church close to home which led us to the Methodist church, not much excitement there, so then we decided to go where he had roots, so it was back to the Episcopal church, and I tried very hard to "get it" I was even confirmed but I just didn't fit in, I felt like a bird who's wings had been clipped and put into a cage. Everything was so rigid, ritualistic and sorry guys it was boring. I even recently found out that certain denominations including them are pro-choice, now I'm really confused, how can the bride of Christ do such things? I fight so hard to help women choose life and help those who've had abortions heal and to find out my very own Christian brothers and sisters can be so contradictory is simply discouraging and it makes me angry! So now we are at a non-denominationl church, which is great, i like not having a label, and before this church we went to another non-denom, where freedom reigned and the worship was so awesome! I grew so much while we were there and when God called us to go to a new church I was filled with excitement. But now, you know what? I'm just tired, burned- out whatever you want to call it, I can understand why some people don't want to get up on Sunday mornings and go to church. Even the non-denoms have there basic routines, minus all the condemnation or apostate beliefs, but you know what, I just want to take a break for a while, I've given lots of time, lots of money, the two most precious things to man-kind and now I'm quesitoning if this is really the way God wants it done. Different religions seperate us even cause us to war with one another. I've met Church of Christ people who love to tell you, you are going to hell for a long list of reasons, the number one reason being that you don't go to there church. Come on people Jesus didn't hang on that cross for this mess of a thing we call church. I just want to minister to people and I get to do that more when I'm counseling at choose life than I do when I'm trying to be what I'm supposed to be at church and deal with everybody's attitude, yeah Christians have attitude. So how can I judge anyone for not wanting to go to church, the truth is, I understand, and I'm just trying to figure out what Jesus would want me to do, because that's all I want to do.